Narcs LOVE to blame and make YOU look bad

goldie's picture
August 23, 2012 - 9:16am — goldie

Narcs LOVE to blame and make YOU look bad.

IN fact if they have YOU thinking YOU are the crazy one; it's an added bonus to them.

Once the honeymoon faze is over and they can see you "catching" on to them; then it is all about blaming YOU and having OTHERS think you are crazy as well.

Just another day in Narcville.

The details may vary; yet the game and intent is always the same.

Takes the focus off of them and if YOU think it is your fault then my goodness you may just take them back and go a few more rounds.

It's called MANIPULATION 101 and GASLIGHTING.

God bless,
Goldie

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Comments

Valentine's picture

OMG.. This is crazy

January 10, 2013 - 11:04am — Valentine

It's like your talking directly about my relationship... I'm new, and I am just learning, but all of these post are as if you are inside my head and altho the feeling is awful, Its soothing to know that someone else knows what I'm talking about and I'm not crazy.
3-1/2 years together, married for 2-1/2 a year into the marriage, all the blame on me I started feeling like "yes, I do have a problem". In therapy, trying to convince the therapist to fix me... they would put the blame on him and we would change therapist... 5 different therapist. NC now for 3 months I remain with her, she is trying to repair all my thoughts and I still question her. Maybe I am crazy ???

dawncheri's picture

Narc Blaming....

January 7, 2013 - 10:57pm — dawncheri

My ex narc has blamed me for all three of his failed marriages....the fact he has no contact with his two older daughters and that he joined the Army (32 yrs ago to forget me) and no suffers from PTSD.Also blames me for the fact he tried to hang himself... I have been blamed for it all. We broke up 33 years ago..in HS..and 4 years later I married a wonderful man had 3 kids and a beautiful life. And even though I often wondered about my ex..I never followed up to see what his life was like. He came back 2 yrs ago outta the blue...at first he was lke You are the love of my life..I never got over you..you're so beautiful inside and out..telling me had followed me thru my life through friends...Man I was blown away....and one thing lead to another and we became involved..not physically..emotionally...he swept me off my feet..made me feel young and beautiful..blah blah blah....after about a year of long distance communication, we saw each other..I must say he is as handsome as ever..but, I realized the moment I saw him..he was still like a that boy I broke up with in HS. Anyway...he got mad..guess cause I figured him out...and thats when the hateful mind games and blaming started. I haven't a moments peace..untill the last 2 months...I read how to break it off with a N..and I did..I begin pushing him away...making him hate me even more...cause I just wanted him outta my life...now he is blaming me for ruining his wonderful memories of us...You CANNOT win with these people..EVER!!

sky's picture

He told everyone that I was crazy!

January 1, 2013 - 1:54am — sky

My ex-narc Husband told all of our mutual friends that I was crazy and need medical attention. He humiliated me. He has a facade as a good man, father etc. so I'm sure they believe him. I just stayed out of the way and sort of disappeared. He is such a liar. He told people that I was going around talking about him. I was hurt, depressed, humiliated, scared, and bewildered. I didn't go out of my front door let alone speak to his friends or anyone else for months. I'm just now feeling a little better and it's been 8 mos. But I have to always remember that when I first started dating him, he told me that the woman he was with before me was bi-polar and thats why he left her. (sounds familiar huh) wanna hear something even funnier........He left me to go back to Miss Bi-polar. I hope his friend see his pattern.

audrey117's picture

friends seeing the truth

September 5, 2012 - 3:50am — audrey117

Yes! It hurts so much for mutual friends to not see the truth...actually more now than the breakup for me. Some of them do, and it is such a relief that even ones I was not as close to as he was do actually see through him. But some I am not sure they do, and he just has tried so hard to make me look crazy to everyone and had completely isolated me for the last two years so that no one could even know he was different behind closed doors with me... He refused to go out and kept saying he hated dancing with me or that he hated this or that with me, and then he called me lazy and worthless and it was my fault! Some of them I tried to explain NPD in brief, but not sure they get it or see it although they all agree he has a huge ego. Not sure there is a good way to educate the uneducated on the matter, especially close friends...maybe someone else can comment on that.

nolongerbound's picture

Oh yes. You especially see

September 2, 2012 - 7:36pm — nolongerbound

Oh yes. You especially see this behavior when you have the nerve to call them out on their bs. I lost all my mutual friends because the exn convinced them that I was crazy and lying about his treatment of me. Whatever, they can continue to be his supply; I'm moving on with my life.

Mag's picture

Love to blame

August 29, 2012 - 3:16pm — Mag

Thank you Goldie!!...this is the absolute truth--it's NEVER their fault!!!

Mag's picture

Love to blame

August 29, 2012 - 3:15pm — Mag

Thank you Goldie!!...this is the absolute truth--it's NEVER their fault!!!

iamwoman's picture

i thought it was just

August 29, 2012 - 11:51am — iamwoman

i thought it was just me..yessss he trys to make me feel crazy why do they do that??

Alissa's picture

Yes this is true, in fact I

August 25, 2012 - 9:03am — Alissa

Yes this is true, in fact I do feel like the crazy one. Thinking that N must be the normal one, and I the crazy one. He blamed me, manipulated me, even more so after I tried to get away from him by intentionally blaming myself, even saying 'I'm thinking I'm disordered, I'm not good for you, I make you mad, it's best to end this' (didn't mean it all but part of me did/ does)

What followed was even more anger and madness towards me. Make the 'crazy ' feel even crazier.

Thank you for your blog

xx
Alissa

TruthbeginsToday's picture

And THOSE are the TRUE

August 23, 2012 - 4:56pm — TruthbeginsToday

And THOSE are the TRUE FACTS.Do not question what Goldie says here.

Thank you for putting your experience and credentials behind it. It's very important to Know.

Glad you put it in the Blog...so we can refer to it.
Thanks for all you do.
Truth