So you think he is home alone pondering the RELATIONSHIP?

May 11, 2012 - 8:06am — goldie

Unless you have a Private Detective tailing them 24/7.......

If they are a Narc, trust me on this, they ARE NOT alone as much as YOU think they are.

They also use porno, drugs, food, random people, TV, games, gambling, the Internet, for supply.

Part of the nature of a Narc is to have a secret world, they get off on the fact that it is SECRET.

They have secret little connections ALL over the place that YOU know nothing about.

They are liars.

Narc Speak:

I don't feel well, I am going home to get some sleep.
Going to OW or home to whack off to porn or get some drugs if they are an addict.

I cannot stand that girl.
I am telling you I can't stand her to get YOU off the scent. I will be back to hit on her when YOU are not around.

I have NO money.
I have money for what I want money for. I got some from my parents, OW, or illegal activity. Not that YOU need to know any of this.

I am shy, I don't flirt with OW.
Yeah right, not in front of you I don't.

I lost my cell phone, it was stolen, the battey died, I left it in my truck, OW had it, it had no minutes left on it, ect..
I was busy and it is NONE of YOUR business what I was doing.

My boss is on to me, I cannot talk at work or see you.
I have my boss in my pocket and YOU are old supply so I don't need to waste my breaks on YOU

We are only friends
Ha ha ha ha ha

They ALL think you are crazy
Because I told them this so you won't talk to them and find out what I am REALLY up to.

She came on to ME
ha ha ha ha

She is a fat crazy bitch, you know I would never have sex with her
ha ha ha ha ha

You made me do it
It's a beautiful day in Narcville when You believe it is YOUR fault, lol

I did not MAKE you cry
You cry because you are an emotional wreck

Threesomes, bondage, rough sex will bring us closer
Closer to me gaining complete control over your body so I may do as I please with whoever I please

I need some space to rethink this relationship
OW is demanding overnights, WTF, she is a bitch in bed and I don't want to lose that right now.

YOU GET THE DRILL, I hope, because the sooner YOU GET THIS; the sooner it ENDS

Don't BELIEVE a word they say, EVERYTHING they say is suspect.

Once that lightbulb goes on in YOUR head, you will begin to see and remember everything quite differently.

The TRUTH will set you free; YOUR TRUTH, not theirs. They have NO truth.

God bless,
Goldie

goldie's blog
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Comments

They love drama..they feed

June 14, 2013 - 10:13am — Hopelessdenial

They love drama..they feed off of it. I love this list and will come here often to reread it!

Another great blog to really smack us in the face with reality!

I cannot tell you how many girl "friends" he had that would randomly pop up in conversation. After a couple months he all of a sudden had a girl "friend" who he now proclaimed was his best friend that I hadnt even heard of before. His words "Im going to dinner with her, dont be jealous, she has a boyfriend". Me looking dumbfounded "Why would I be jealous of you having dinner with a friend".

They say these things to put that jealousy in our head or to make us out to be crazy!

Im finally starting to get it :) He is no prize.

"Im going to dinner with her,

June 14, 2013 - 11:54am — Used

"Im going to dinner with her, dont be jealous, she has a boyfriend". Me looking dumbfounded "Why would I be jealous of you having dinner with a friend".

They also say these things b/c it *realy* is a date and they are trying to put you off the scent, but him adding about the jealously is b/c if you knew the truth you would be jealous!

We work together..,

June 14, 2013 - 3:08pm — Luv2bme

My N was going out for drinks and hanging out with a girl from work. They sometimes traveled to other cities and I'd call his room she would be there "waiting for him to get ready" so they could get something to eat. I was told the same thing, we are just friends having drinks , dinner and a few laughs..,
When he would come home I almost felt like a mother of a teenage boy in love because that is all N would talk about was "Nikki". Nikki likes this, Nikki said that.., I was eating Starbursts one day and N said Nikki likes Starbursts too.., and N would tell me it would be rude for them not to go to dinner.., I kept thinking to myself this is so weird but then let it go. It wasn't so much the dinner it was his behavior and non stop talking about her.
Finally Nikki found a boyfriend and the Nikki stories died down., Just one of many peculiar things that happened. Now I would consider a red flag looking back...

Yes I am beginning to realize

June 14, 2013 - 1:44pm — Hopelessdenial

Yes I am beginning to realize all these "friends" were probably not "friends". I think alarm bells were going off for me after he said "Dont be jealous" and I ended it the next day even though my feelings were strong for him.

That and many other red flags I noticed that are on this blog list. I was smart enough to recognize them early on just didnt know there was a name for it :). Capital N!

I encourage everyone to just keep making their own "bad" lists. Dont even bother with the "good" because it was all one sided.

RED FLAGS

June 14, 2013 - 2:51pm — Luv2bme

Hope, I had so many "Red Flags" over the years and ignored them thinking it was me being paranoid which is one of the things N would have said whenever I questioned him.
Now that I have been NC and read so many stories that sound so familiar I feel like a fool.
I trusted him and believed all his lame excuses and stories. I did however have a nagging doubt and I would replay what he told me in my mind and I knew there were some things that didn't quite add up but I thought well, he wouldn't lie to me. After all, how many times did he tell me how he had integrity and how honest he was..., yeah, right..,
I realized after many years be grateful you became wise to the N as soon as you have.
The lying and games only get worse with time...,
Congratulate yourself for getting out when you did.
I will start making my list of the bad as a reminder of what the N is. You are absolutely right there is no good, it's all bad.., Thanks! =)

Thanks Luv .. make that list.

June 14, 2013 - 3:02pm — Hopelessdenial

Thanks Luv .. make that list. I do realize every day (and more so lately) how lucky I am. The withdrawl was hard but the future would have been worse. I am sorry you had to deal with this pain for years. I cannot imagine how hard it is. It makes me sad that in a few years his soon to be wife might start looking up reasons for his behaviour and find herself here one day. Very sad.

Now get to writing that list :) No good .. just bad.

Now my next journey is working on myself and what lead me down this bad path that I vow to never repeat again.

Bump Used! Actions speak

June 14, 2013 - 12:34pm — Janie53

Bump Used! Actions speak louder than words!
STTY
Love Janie

Do the majority of them like rough sex?

June 14, 2013 - 9:25am — Learningthehardway

I ask because we never had gentle love making, as they are apparently not typical of intimate behavior.

It was always a quickie, a romp, or like you said, the desire for threesomes, bondage, "I'll do what I want to your body", or controlling sex.

I wondered if the majority of N's prefer this type of sexual behavior because mine sure did.

Quickie

June 14, 2013 - 11:26am — Luv2bme

Always a quickie, no intimacy, no kissing. N told me foreplay and kissing was only for trying to get in your pants during dating. I should just want to do it and get it over those aren't the words N used. His were too crude to post but I think you get the idea.
NO not intimate, not gentle.., mechanical.

this is one of my favorite of

April 24, 2013 - 1:42pm — thebigpayback

this is one of my favorite of goldies posts. when having a bad day i recommend scrolling through and reading the post that has to do with whatever obsession/ emotion regarding the narc you are having. this blog and site has made a real positive difference in my life and i am so grateful for it. when i first got on the blog, i was still in denial about my narc, thought he was 'different" we were "different' nope. not at all. npd is npd. same narc different day/ victim. preach on, sister.

All well said and true..

March 10, 2013 - 6:33pm — Angelina753

All well said and true..

Sound very familiar..,

February 22, 2013 - 3:48pm — Luv2bme

Goldie,
Many of these are lines I have heard from my lying N. He had me convinced he was
a man of integrity etc.., blah, blah.., more lies. I would always have a feeling of doubt but I would shrug it off, thinking it was only my insecurity. A couple of times I questioned N and he would say, oh, come on, you know I'm not like that.., could you really see me flirting? or coming on to anyone? ha, ha, ha..., Guys like so and so, (not him, of course) make jerks of themselves...., but not him...,

I wouldn't want to press it because I would be accused of being psycho, trying to cause trouble..., there something wrong with me..
Besides, he was known to be such a great guy.., and he told me he had integrity and valued his family, oh, and I was his best friend.

Now I know I should have trusted my instincts.. and he is nothing but a slimy, liar.
I see him in a totally different light. He continues to lie and I find him repulsive.
Shockingly so, he lead me on and took advantage of my trust.
They are so sick, heartless, absolutely disgusting.

Lies

February 21, 2013 - 6:33pm — Toni

I know I'm coming very late to this conversation but I overheard him telling the new fool he couldn't take lunch and see her anymore and then I saw him out and about the next day....at, you guessed it...lunch time. Ha ha ha ha indeed. He's a piece of s....

OMG!!!

August 21, 2012 - 2:37pm — Darlene

I continue to learn every day...how can narcs be sooo alike????I cringe at the thought of being played for 4 years, like I was...

this is a great description

June 15, 2012 - 8:31pm — findingmeagain

this is a great description and article . i especially like the ha ha ha ha part .

Its all true Goldie..

June 8, 2012 - 8:59pm — Jeff

Its all true Goldie..

Uhuh

May 26, 2012 - 11:12am — TruthbeginsToday

Sadly, this is all truth. Thanks for writing this so we can hold on to our sanity.

I too feel ill when I relive it.

Hell NO! He's not pondering any of it!!

May 22, 2012 - 10:19am — knowregretz

Goldie nailed this perfectly!! I am on to his games, his stories, his lies! OH SOOOO many lies! And now it's the "my phone battery is dead." "I turned the phone off to save the battery." YEAH RIGHT.... Funny, that when I now am on to him his phone starts having issues! UM...yeah... like we don't have brains to see through this b.s.

The thing that scares me is, he lies about EVERYTHING... NO MATTER HOW SMALL, HOW INSIGNIFICANT. So how can I trust him on anything?? I think he is seeing someone now or multiple people. He has the perfect job for it. He is on the road all the time.... no one to see him cheat and get back to me with it......

Perfect job for it..

August 26, 2012 - 1:26am — Luv2bme

Yes, mine had the perfect job for it as well. I would sometimes suspect and asked him if he might have "talked" with anyone at a bar.., Oh, no.., he's not like that.., he would then say look at me, do I look like I'm that kind of guy?? You are my best friend, I love my family. I'm not like that.., We vacationed in Hawaii one of his layover cities and he was eager and knowledgable in regards to all the hookers, I wouldn't have recognized them, these women blended in with everyone. He would point them out to me and knew everything about how they operate..., I remember having a hmm.. moment as he would be telling me all of this very detailed information. Then I would shake it off, not him, he's not like that.., Yeah, right.. I feel nauseous thinking about how naive I was. This is only one of many different hmm, that's odd moments.

I too have a sick feeling in

May 18, 2012 - 7:01am — Kitty84

I too have a sick feeling in my belly after reading this :(

I feel sick too...

May 21, 2012 - 4:04pm — Rising Dawn

Yes, I have heard similar things coming out of his mouth, except he was much more subtle and "kinder" about it. And he certainly made be believe I was the crazy one for doubting anything he said or did.

I have another one:

She and I are just friends = She and I are "just friends", like you and I are "just friends", with benefits

I am sick thinking about how many "friends" he had - he had no shortage of them, and these are just the ones he casually mentioned to me.

I just want to get over this nightmare. I look to the day I will think back on this time and not even flinch, b/c he and all the stuff he did will be meaningless to me.

Wow....

May 12, 2012 - 7:34pm — HelpMeHeal

This one was spot on! I can't even count how many times the phone was left in the car, he was busy at work, out with his kid, or sleeping! What these idiots fail to remember is how available they were to us when we were being idealized. They called all day long! Now that I think of it, it was kind of annoying!

Lies

February 22, 2013 - 3:58pm — Toni

Help me heal

Mine called me all day long too...so he could ponpoint where I was

Enlightening Post Goldie

May 11, 2012 - 6:56pm — BtrflyGrl

Yes, I've heard all of that...I just chose to stay in the dark about it. Always I knew something was up, always I knew the end was drawing nearer. The more his world became secret, the less I could handle our world. It was a serious mind-fuck in retrospect.

He went from I need your help, to quit telling me what to do!

Then he would tell me I was incapable of middleground. Funny thing is his middle ground is on his side of the court...ridiculous. The projection is amazing.

Thanks for making his confusion a little more clear. You are great and I appreciate all you do here.

BtrflyGrl

If I may add just one more...

May 11, 2012 - 6:56pm — TarHeelBlue

I'll never leave you.
I'll make you so miserable that YOU will leave ME. I'll tell you obvious lies and ignore you until you get tired of it, and you will have no choice. Then I can blame YOU for leaving me. Haha!

XN Tried

March 10, 2013 - 6:14pm — AprilD

He tried so hard the last two weeks we were "together" to make me so miserable that I would leave, but I refused to bite. I completely and totally ignored his ploys and acted as if everything was fine and I was happy. It forced HIM to D&D me, which in retrospect was a favor, but it probably hurt me more than if I had left him - not that either way doesn't hurt bad. He's still blaming me anyway -- I am still the crazy psycho bitch ex-girlgriend, and that's why he HAD to dump me. Of course the D&D was beyond ridiculous. He telephoned me to tell me he couldn't be in a relationship with someone who was a credit risk, because it would prevent him from buying a home and sending his son to college. I responded by saying, how it that going to happen? We aren't married and we don't co-mingle funds. Then I heard soliloquy on how financial responsibility is so important to him, and he was concerned about how I handled my financial affairs -- of which he knew nothing. Besides, I make 2 and a half times his salary and have a big, beautiful home, while he has never owned a home and lives in a crappy apartment that he gets for free in exchange for two hours of security at his apartment complex every day. That alone rings bells -- you have to be out doing security EVERY DAY? Oh yes, I don't get a day off. Not a single day off. Ha ha ha ha ha.

OMG those words, ill never

August 4, 2012 - 3:07am — barleybear

OMG those words, ill never leave you... so true this is

Unbelievable!

May 27, 2012 - 4:59am — shatttered75

You are so right! And I am so repulsed!

WOW!

May 16, 2012 - 10:40pm — Jenyphero

I can't get over this forum. I swear, we all must have been dating/married to the SAME MAN! It is seriously scaring me how many of these things were the EXACT SAME WORDS that came out of his mouth. Here's another part to be added to this:

After I blame you for leaving me, I make you feel like you abandoned me. I make you feel guilty for putting me in that position. And the dance continues....

Unbelievable..

August 26, 2012 - 1:44am — Luv2bme

I just joined and have been reading and thinking the same thing.., these remarks, excuses comments are identical to the ones I've heard hims say. I thought to myself, did someone record him saying these things and used him as an example.., So scary.., Did they take a class or is it the same disgusting man? I can't tell you how stunned I am. I'm sitting hear with my mouth open.., I'm also having flash backs of things he said to me and how stupid I was to listen to him. and believe the stupid lame things he would say. The ugly things too. out of the blue one day he looked at me and said "you know, no one in their right mind would ever want to F*** you" I was speechless and he laughed when I asked him why he said such a thing, he finally replied after ignoring me, he first few times I asked, he was only kidding..., what? you're going to turn this into a big deal? Where's your sense of humor? did I want to start an argument? you're never happy. Here you go again.., I'm seriously concerned about your mental health..., go pop another pill (when I tried anxiety meds for awhile). oh and after my hysterectomy here's a good one, I thought after your surgery you would be nicer, boy was I wrong, are you taking your hormone pills? you should increase your dosage.., I'm feeling ill, and these remarks he made are only a few of so many..,

So true.....

May 11, 2012 - 3:25pm — fallingfoward

Great blog, Goldie. I think I heard everyone of these lies, thanks for the reminder on how these narcs think.

Hugs
ff

I love this

May 11, 2012 - 12:33pm — Hunter

I love this

i second that bill of rights

May 11, 2012 - 11:01am — survivaloftheheart

I have 27 more days Goldie before I leave my husband...ill post on that later its been a rocky roller coaster for the last ten days since I posted now having car troubles....but as I see him...u just gave the BILL OF RIGHTS!!!! Tryn 2 stay focused

I experienced all of this

May 11, 2012 - 11:35am — dmtphx

I just read Goldie's comments. OMG. I am sick to my stomach because I have experienced all of it. he wanted the rough sex and the threesome and asked all the time. I never gave into it, but he had me talking to him about it. Such a dangerous place to be. I was in and out of this sick, abusive relationship for six years. I've been completed out, but not without some contact (initiated by me) for over 4 months. I am drawn to this man like a month to a flame. I didn't know who or what I was involved with until I started reading a book called Narcissitc Lovers. I found thie site and although some of this is so hard to read...I am finally getting it. I have to be thankful he's out of my life. His last relationship was over 10 years and the woman contacted me to warn me three years ago. She found my number in his cell. She at one point tried to kill herself, she told me. OMG! She has been out of it for over three years and he still contacts her via text, e-mail, phone. She never responds. She is happy and in a healthy beautiful relationship. I have recently met a wonderful man, and I am so afraid I would go back one more time. I want him to change. I know that's not possible. Thank you all for your support. This site just might be my life saver.

Me too barf (owww - tummy

May 12, 2012 - 11:46pm — Emmy

Me too

*barf* (owww - tummy ache)

Such a slap in the face

May 11, 2012 - 2:39pm — ErinMarie79

When you read the words that you lived - how many times I heard my phone was in the bike....it was downstairs....wasnt on....Im not feeling good...as i call to ck on him he doesnt answer - odd i go to his house of which dumb ass gave me the garage opener - some NARCs just arent smart even at their own game lol....hes not home shocker - i found him - his truck in his x's drive way - guess her soup was better. Makes me sick - after 3 years of constant cheating constant lies me forgiving thinking he will change and the promises wont be broken. Finally had enough snooping through his phone seeing pics of his being sent to every chic in town - who does that....Im sorry there is something wrong with that, grown man taking pics - really - I know girls will take pics ive done it - shldnt be a double standard but i guess i just think its diff. ICK !!! its been 3 weeks of no contact - between this site and books i feel alive and can breath - even went on a date with a great guy - its sad to know that i know he will be back ~ I now call him Herpie - BECAUSE HE NEVER GOES AWAY -

Erin Marie

May 13, 2012 - 10:11am — helldweller

It's true that they never go away. The day I realized that was the day I felt I'd beaten him at his own game. That was his ace in the hole: that he had me constantly in torment thinking I'd lose him. I always think about that movie, "What About Bob?" when the psychiatrist, screams, Gone? Gone? He's NEVER GONE!!!" and throws open the door, and sure enough, there's Bob.

I know even today that I could get him back if I wanted to. It's very pathetic. They are like little boys, and you just have to offer the right candy on the right day, no matter how mopey or stubborn they are being.

As for the pics, I wanted to address that, because I've sent them too (I wouldn't again, but I did to the narc), and I sent them because men are visual and respond to things like that better than saying, "Oh, baby I want to do this and that and such and such." I don't think it's such a terrible thing if you are apart and show yourself to your heart of hearts this way between real life visits. Only problem is, these guys are just gross. They don't attach those pics to you and who you are. They are just dirty pictures.

Erinmarie79

May 11, 2012 - 6:15pm — dmtphx

Who does that? Apparently they do. Mine sent me a video of himslef in the mirror xxxx sound effects and all, later I found out he sent the same video text to numerous women. He told me to watch it a few times and my shock would turn into something else. I didn't because it would have turned to disgust. But, I didn't get out. Once he had to go out of town to help his very troubled young daughter who was arrested for prostitution, so sad, because a lovely beautiful girl (daddy issues obviosuly) While he was waiting for her to complete community service he was texting photos of his xxxxxxx from his car to me, and God knows who else. Sick! And I was sick for staying!!!! Who does that and why would we put up with it. I was convinced it was because he loved me and trusted me and blah blah blah. I am so thankful for this site because the more I read the more I feel like it isn't me and all the love in the world can't heal this man.