I found my laughter again

April 19, 2012 - 6:19am — goldie

By the time I made it here to the forum I had lost my laughter. That sincere belly laugh was nowhere to be found. The N/P had sucked the last little chuckle out of me.

One day I was acting silly around the Narc and he said: "Why are you acting like that, you never act like that." I froze dead in my tracks and I thought to myself. What is he talking about? I am silly and playful all the time. NOT, I had not been silly and playful for a long time.

The Goldie who enjoyed silly banter, laughting wholeheartedly, and the playful Goldie was lost, missing in action.

This selfish, lying, cheating, stealing, using, drug addicted, manipulative, perverted, blood sucking, dark hole of deception had sucked the life out of me.

I had lost myself to his disorder. He was attempting to suck me over to the other-side. His world where there is no geniune joy and laughter. Where everything is a sham, a hoax. A world of false persona's, fake personalities, pretend emotions, with rage and fear at every turn. His sick twisted deviant play ground.

Today I have my laughter back; I have myself back. That my friends is the true miracle of recovery. The ability to laugh freely and to feel freely again. Freedom from bondage.

The Six Steps of Recovery work if you work them and I worked them and I am here to tell you that in time, your laughter will return and you will eventually return home to yourself. The best gift we can give ourselves in a great relationship with ourselves.

It all begins with self love, approval, and self esteem. Take back your power and do something good for you today. You works, if you work it, and you are worth it.

God bless,
Goldie

For additonal support, to join one of our support groups, or to speak with Goldie directly, http://www.lisaescott.com/blog/goldie

goldie's blog
Login or register to post comments

Comments

Yes...laughing a lot lately.

April 29, 2012 - 12:28am — Im_always_fine

Yes...laughing a lot lately. Side aching..snorting my drink out my nose..pee a little...laughing.
Especially with my son. We're having good old fashioned fun again.

I bonk my laughter position;

April 27, 2012 - 11:51pm — aronhally84112wsss

I bonk my laughter position; I fuck myself hind. That my friends is the harmonious miracle of retrieval. The power to laugh freely and to seek freely again. Immunity from thraldom mothers day messages

belly laugh

April 21, 2012 - 7:13pm — sharlenemorgan

O.k. guys ready for this one. I only hang w/guys since I am a drama free chick and no filter on my mouth. I am cute,fit ect all that shit that other women want to drag you down to their level. I need to pop the sweat daily due to adHd and menopause. Due to therapy I have let a few women in my life that I have know thru out the years and really let them in! No judgement calls they just accept me. Wonderful feeling I can be my honest self faults and all. One chick looked at me in a favorite bar the other day and said if you had a tampax stuck I would go after it! Gales of laughs and i almost peeded my pants. Sex and the city had that episode. My workout guy i shared this w/when he asked what the hell was i laughing about in spin class. I shared and he had to go in after his wifes lost tampax. Laughing w/tears at 7 am in the gym in a corner and everyone looking at us. This guy is manly,special ops guy and very well known. That is great to share the belly almost peed in pants belly laugh. That is what I will chase and nothing other. I buy waterproof makeup now since i have my women friends around who make me just laugh!

How true it is Goldie! That

April 21, 2012 - 1:57pm — Run4it

How true it is Goldie! That is one of the first things that made me realize that I had "me" back - I felt joy and could laugh again. Never, ever going back to that misery thanks to the lessons learned from you and all the other brave survivors of NPD.

Run4it

It's a beautiful thing!

April 20, 2012 - 12:54am — Breakingfree24

Goldie,
I am so thrilled to that you have your laugh back! Thanks for giving me mine back! You are one in a million and we are all blessed to heave you in our lives! Our one to one is the only counseling I have ever laughed my ass of after crying my eyes out! That's it! Recovery through laughter! I think your onto something here!

I don't know how I would have gotten thru all this shit without you!

Big Hugs and Blessings!

Kris

I love this!

April 21, 2012 - 12:34pm — Lisa E. Scott

Love this, Goldie and I love you!!! So glad you have your laughter back. It makes my heart smile! XOXO, L

You know that Zeppelin is my all-time favorite band and one of my favorite quotes is from "Stairway to Heaven"

"DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER LAUGHTER?!!!"
~ Robert Plant

I love the way Plant asks it too in that voice unique to only him.

Goldie, I did too..one day it

April 19, 2012 - 11:07pm — greengirl91

Goldie, I did too..one day it just happened, without me realising it. I was hanging out with a friend, and telling him a funny story, and I started laughing at my own story!!

It felt liberating, I missed that, I missed myself happy..

Hope to be only one of these episodes :)

I called mine "The Joy

April 19, 2012 - 9:26pm — Nellywhoa

I called mine "The Joy Sucker." I would find myself driving home from work, singing along to the radio in a joyfull mood. I would get home and he would be having a "bad day" which would make me have a bad night. I later figured out the pattern of me being in a good mood and him not being able to stand it. So he would suck out the joy from my mood. WITHOUT FAIL. It got to the point where I would catch myself and ditch the joyfullness because I knew something bad was about to happen. I cannot believe I thought that was a way to life my life.

I catch myself smiling for no reason now, well I guess I do have a good reason lol....Im Narcfree!

Great post

April 19, 2012 - 8:40pm — Movingforwardnow

I have found myself laughing as well. And love it! Smiling, singing in the car instead of crying. Enjoying my kids, my work, my life.....never thought I'd be able to do any of those things again. And it's all thanks to this forum, the support group, all the mods, my one on ones with Goldie and my new found friends. My sistas in recovery.

Feeling good, peaceful and happy.

Thank you so much!!!!!

xoxoxoxo
mfn

Great post Goldie

April 19, 2012 - 8:03pm — rosedewittbukater

I am glad you found it again! There is nothing like a good deep down belly laugh!!!
Laughter is the best medicine.

Thanks Goldie

April 19, 2012 - 9:15am — Janie53

Thank you for the encouragement! Laughing is my all time favorite thing in the world!

xxxooo
I'm so happy you are true to you!
Janie

Thank you for this post.

April 19, 2012 - 8:33am — Layla

In part because of the support here, I am laughing again. In fact, I am starting to laugh at the whole PD debacle I experienced....such ridiculousness and I cannot believe what I put myself and my sons through. They laugh with me now too about his crazyness. We are all still healing, but we are laughing again, and it's genuine and it feels GOOD.

love~ Layla

LMAO!

April 20, 2012 - 12:47am — Breakingfree24

Here! Here! It does feel good to laugh again! I used to call mine the FUNSUCKER! We used to tell him why don't you get a straw and just suck all the fun out of it! LOL! It is theraputic to laugh at how ridiculous they are and the insane shhit that comes out of their mouths. Glad to hear you and the boys are laughing again!

hugs and blessings,

Kris

User login

Recent Blogs

New Topics

Comments

Who's online

Online users