By the time I made it here to the forum I had lost my laughter. That sincere belly laugh was nowhere to be found. The N/P had sucked the last little chuckle out of me.
One day I was acting silly around the Narc and he said: "Why are you acting like that, you never act like that." I froze dead in my tracks and I thought to myself. What is he talking about? I am silly and playful all the time. NOT, I had not been silly and playful for a long time.
The Goldie who enjoyed silly banter, laughting wholeheartedly, and the playful Goldie was lost, missing in action.
This selfish, lying, cheating, stealing, using, drug addicted, manipulative, perverted, blood sucking, dark hole of deception had sucked the life out of me.
I had lost myself to his disorder. He was attempting to suck me over to the other-side. His world where there is no geniune joy and laughter. Where everything is a sham, a hoax. A world of false persona's, fake personalities, pretend emotions, with rage and fear at every turn. His sick twisted deviant play ground.
Today I have my laughter back; I have myself back. That my friends is the true miracle of recovery. The ability to laugh freely and to feel freely again. Freedom from bondage.
The Six Steps of Recovery work if you work them and I worked them and I am here to tell you that in time, your laughter will return and you will eventually return home to yourself. The best gift we can give ourselves in a great relationship with ourselves.
It all begins with self love, approval, and self esteem. Take back your power and do something good for you today. You works, if you work it, and you are worth it.
For additonal support, to join one of our support groups, or to speak with Goldie directly, http://www.lisaescott.com/blog/goldie