One thing, a PD is NOT, is HAPPY. He can "seem" happy because he doesn't hurt or feel like we do. He has a built in shut off valve to keep him from experiencing typical highs and lows. They are a flatline with bouts of fear and rage surfacing from time to time.

They do NOT experience joy. He is busting your chops parading the OW around in front of you. When someone "acts" so happy in front of an XGF of 2.5 years you just know that it is an "act."

Seriously, how "in love" can he be if he was spending the weekend with you while supposedly being happy with her. He is not.

Narcs are ALL about narc injury. They are big fat babies. You most likely crushed his fragile ego by saying or doing something. It doesn't take much. Any type of desire or need of yours, which goes against his, a facial expression he does not care for, going somewhere when he wanted you home, anything big or small can create narcissistic injury. When this occurs and trust me, you really did not do anything, this justifies them to cheat, because they have it so bad.

So they cheat out of spite, boredom, or just because they are narcs. The OW is interesting to them vaguely in the beginning. She is new, she does not know yet what a piece of shit he is, so they can be their "great I am" phony selves with this new person and she sucks up and kisses their ass because they are excited about the newness, just like we were.

The narc is sizing her up to see what type of supply she is going to be and she "screws" up. She serves him a pizza when he wanted a roast beef dinner, or she puts her child before him. Perhaps she said she was tired and did not need him to spend the night.

He NOW has narc injury over her, sooo......he calls you, old supply. It's good for the weekend, but he doesn't want the hassle of listening to any of your prior issues because you know him so well now, so he hangs with you and then goes back to his new supply who he can con much easier.

He may or may not marry her, it all depends on whether or not he finds her to be "wife" supply material. Will she be his virtual slave or not? Let's say for awhile she is and then she has to go away for a week because her mother is sick and she goes out of town. This creates narc injury because they don't like us to go away; leave them alone, and they resent her mother taking priority over them, sooo......

Ding ding, hello old supply: "I miss you, I think about you everyday, I never stopped loving you."

YOU are feeling pretty darn good by now and yet, you still harbor lingering doubts.

Maybe he means it this time, maybe he still does love me. OMG, I should at least have him over so I can see.

He comes over every night for 5 nights and is Mr. Prince Charming. You laugh together and cuddle and you are certain that he may very well have changed this time.

Then, 2 days before she is coming back, he grows restless, start pacing around and you can feel that old sinking feeling. You just know something is wrong. You keep asking him and he says it is nothing. He goes out for a few hours and comes back. You ask again. He says nothing and then begins to get testy and tells you to stop asking, he has stress at work. You brush it off and you both go to bed. Even the sex that nights seems off from the other 5 nights.

Then Sunday night, he says he has somewhere to go and he takes his things and says, he is just packing up to bring the stuff home to wash. Hours go by and he does not come back and he does not call. When you can take it now longer, you call and he says he's confused, he thinks he loves both of you now and needs some time to sort things out.

She returns Monday afternoon and you don't hear from him for 3 weeks and he calls because she is at a late business event and he is bored. "Hey Bebe, are you thinking about me?"

This could go on for years if you don't stop it. So you stop it and he does or does not marry her and 3 years later she kicks his sorry ass out because, NOW, he is cheating on her with someone else.

He comes by the house almost crying, telling you it is over with OW, she is not who he thought she was, he has always loved you and you are the one he wants. She just never sized up to you. He either says she was a crazy bitch or nice but he doesn't LOVE her the same way and he wants you back.

This is the roller coaster ride with a PD. This is what you have to look forward to if you let him back in and it never ends. It never changes. The story will be the same with her as it was with you.

They don't love. The use, con, control, and manipulate. Lies, lies, lies, and more lies.

As much as this hurts and I know what that feels like, you need to give yourself time away from him completely in order to sort out your thoughts and feeling and to see him for who he is not who you wish or want him to be.

God bless,
Goldie

For additonal support, to join one of our support groups, or to speak with Goldie directly, http://www.lisaescott.com/blog/goldie