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This Valentine's Day...
This Valentine's Day...
27% of men said their romantic resolution is to have sex with the lights on
80% of people think they will get lucky this Valentine's Day
Less than 50% of people had good luck last year
40% of women want to try something new and kinky this Valentine’s Day
85% of women surveyed own a sex toy
57% of people in a new relationship (less than one year) talk about sex every day
50% of the population is single
54% of women say they are in a relationship, but it is not with their soul mate….WTF?!!
Every year we celebrate Valentine’s Day in our culture, but what is it we are really celebrating?
This Valentine’s Day, I’d like to point out how few people realize that the occasion of Valentine’s Day is NOT rooted so much in “love” but in “lovesickness.”
The Greek Poetess, Sapho who was known to fall hard for the men in her life once wrote “That man seems to me like the Gods…..this terrifies my heart.”
To be lovesick is to be blinded or so disillusioned by another person that you can’t see them for who they really are...this is truly terrifying because it is very dangerous.
We put ourselves in a position to be taken advantage of when we become lovesick. It’s careless and we simply must guard our hearts more than that. We owe it to ourselves.
So this year on Valentine’s Day, instead of wanting to be lovesick over someone, let’s celebrate the love we have for ourselves for a change.
After an emotionally abusive relationship, it is critical that we spend time alone and begin to nurture our relationship with ourselves. Self-compassion is the key to our recovery.
Although taking care of yourself will feel foreign at first, it is the best thing you can do right now. You must spend time alone before jumping into a new relationship. You need to find yourself again and enjoy the benefits of being alone. There are many.
We spend way too much time trying to form and nurture relationships with others who could potentially be our soul mate, when the whole time we neglect to nurture our relationship with ourselves! It is time to have a love affair with yourself!
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” ~ Oscar Wilde
You are finally living in the light and moving away from the darkness. It is time to connect with yourself again. Being in touch with yourself and your true emotions is truly a gift that we all should give ourselves.
This Valentine’s Day, instead of wanting to be lovesick with our head in the clouds over someone, let's celebrate the person we know we can always count on...ourselves!!!!!
xoxo,
Lisa
- Lisa E. Scott's blog
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BUY NOW! The Path Forward: Surviving a Narcissist
It's All About Him
Lisa E. Scott weaves information about destructive narcissistic males into stories from her personal life to help you see - "is he or isn't he a Narcissist"? A validating book on how to spot and avoid a Narcissist before you get hurt. With a forward by eminent narcissism expert, Dr. Sam Vaknin
BUY "It's All About Him"
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Comments
Valentine's Day has a whole new meaning to me.
April 23, 2012 - 12:16pm — DeannaFebruary 14,2012 was the day my narcissistic ex-boyfriend chose to have his "SURPRISE "last feeding frenzy with my heart, mind and soul.
I had no idea my ex was a narcissist until AFTER Valentine's Day. We dated for 18 months and I just thought;it was my luck to have fallen in love with the world's biggest JERK. The 18 months were very sad for me on so many levels. I am writing "MY STORY," and will share it with everyone when I finish.
When he showed up at MY doorstep on Valentine's Day, he was ALREADY my ex. I had ended our relationship on January 5, 2012. He would soon become my ex narcissist. I did not invite him. He gave me a 20 minute heads up of what I call now, "My Valentine's Day Massacre" He is a coward.
I was just about over him, as in I was ready to move on. I had just begun to breathe. Then I heard the words that changed my life, "I am 20 minutes away, I want to take you out for Valentine's Day dinner."
Our Valentine's Dinner turned into 3 days.
He said all the perfect things to finally break me down and I handed him my precious heart, once again. I was a fool.
He leaves to go home on February 16, 2012. He has a 3 hour drive. He makes it about 2 hours from leaving my bed and.... well... I BECAME AN EX OF A NARC.
QUESTION?
HOW DO I EVER ENJOY ONE OF MY FAVORITE DAYS OF THE YEAR, AGAIN? VALENTINE'S DAY IS RUINED FOR ME.
I told my guy
April 5, 2012 - 6:25pm — GrinningpixieI always say that the reason we celebrate it to celebrate the fact we are together. 50% of the population is single, we are celebrating having one another and being the other half of the 50%. I never get flowers, chocolate or a card, he made me dinner and did dishes. I bought him candy and made a scavanger hunt looking for it.
It's how I see it. He was all anti-celebrating but I figure life is long and hard and we look for things to celebrate and look forward too. So we make holidays and observances. I might sound lame but it was cool to be involved this yr, even though we didn't make it much longer.
A Necessary Distinction
March 17, 2012 - 7:55pm — whatexitruThat Lisa draws the reader to recognize an important distinction between actual love and "lovesickness" is key here, I think. Too much in our culture is a cheap, counterfeit sort of love that is based more on being enslaved to manufactured feelings produced by Madison Avenue than any actual emotion.
When I watch the teeming masses running like lemmings from the flower stand (for $85 box of roses), to the candy stand (for sugary, overpriced chocolate)because that's what they have been told women want on Valentine's Day, it fills me with a revulsion I can barely begin to describe. Valentine's Day is a cheap farce to be avoided at all costs. And no, I am not bitter or loveless. I just can't stand imitation anything, but especially not where love is concerned.
My perfect Valentine's Day? It would begin with the one I love, sitting on the beach watching the sunrise, drinking steaming hot coffee from mugs we made ourselves in a couples pottery class. One hand holding coffee and the other hand holding her, sharing the inner me with the inner her, and her doing the same. Time would stand still and we would just revel in the blissful wonderment of being together. Whatever happened past that point would be icing on the cake. You can sign me up for that right now <3
Whatexitru
March 18, 2012 - 12:04am — Lisa E. ScottYou're so right. I love how you describe the lemmings rushing from flower stand to candy store caught up in the Hallmark holiday of it all. It is totally Madison Avenue and contrived and causes everyone to over-analyze their relationship when they really shouldn't.
BTW, love your perfect v-day plan!!! ;)
Yes, it is just about
March 18, 2012 - 12:11am — whatexitruYes, it is just about perfect... From every angle!
Oh really? Now I know. Maybe
February 21, 2012 - 12:03am — tonysmithOh really? Now I know. Maybe some may find it love sick but for me I think its more on emotional condition. Well, anyways, there are some great apps for Valentine's Day out there. The holiday, such as it is, can be a big pain to pull it off properly. Article source: No need for Cupid with the right Valentine’s Day apps. Though Feb.14 already passed. Still February days are hearts day!
Thank you Lisa, for
February 14, 2012 - 6:40pm — OpheliaThank you Lisa, for everything.
Lisa, you ROCK.
February 14, 2012 - 12:56pm — freakedMay it be on record that today, is ironically the first ever day I have checked in here without tears in my eyes or heart or soul. I think I just received my RELEASE from heartache. Good karma imho. I am glad to be ME. and even more glad to belong among all shining stars here at the forum. EACH person here is an AMAZING bundle of love, sincerity, and empathy.
Freaked!
February 15, 2012 - 10:59pm — Lisa E. ScottIt's so wonderful to hear and see the progress you have made!!! You deserve to be released from your heartache so you can start focusing on yourself for a change!!!! You are so inspiring! XOXO
Beautiful! Thanks Lisa!
February 14, 2012 - 9:00am — SparrowBeautiful! Thanks Lisa!
For the first time,
February 14, 2012 - 8:48am — AnonymusFor the first time, Valentine's day has taken on a new meaning. This day symbolises that I am starting to be, truly be, with myself in every way. Thank you Lisa for making me and everyone in this site see that we are not alone, nor after this experience, shall ever be.
XX,
C
Love this!
February 14, 2012 - 9:04am — Lisa E. Scott"This day symbolises that I am starting to be, truly be, with myself in every way."
I love this, Anonymous!
Thanks for your sweet responses everyone! None of us are alone in this struggle nor will we ever be...together, we will help each other find The Path Forward.
Lots of Love,
Lisa
words as sweet...
February 14, 2012 - 8:25am — fearlessfemale...as a heartshaped box of candy!
With much less calories too.
Have a great Valentines Day Lisa.
-fefe
Aww, thanks FeFe!
February 14, 2012 - 8:41am — Lisa E. ScottThanks for the V-Day wishes, FearlessFemale! I wish you a happy day as well and look forward to talking tomorrow night on our weekly call!!! XOXO