Sex with the PD

Goldie's picture

I have heard it said on here many many times that SEX with the PD was the best SEX ever. I have often asked myself, what does this mean? The most erotic, the most rageful, the most varied positions, the most frequency, the most intensity, what? What is so GREAT about it.

SEX with a PD is NOT LOVE, that is for sure. They do not love, they take hostages, victims, they aim for control. How can this be so great?

They often lie, cheat, steal, degrade, belittle, insult, use, control, manipulate. So what is so great about being in bed with someone who treats you like garbage?

Do we think so little of ourselves and has our society so lowered the bar on what intimacy, love, and caring are that we mistake erotic using as LOVE?

How is it that one man can be gentle, loving, caring, and yes perhaps boring and he is the shitty lover and another can be forceful, crude, even hurtful and because it feels more powerful, this is LOVE? How and when did everything get turned backwards? Is it our society? The media? Is it our sense of self where we need continuous highs and drama in order to feel the LOVE?

I have heard countless times that the sex with the old BF or husband was either non existance or boring, so does this justify selling your soul to the devil for a few moments of erotic nasty "pleasure?"

Can it truly be LOVE when he is also screwing OW? When he D&D's you somewhere down the road? How does sex translate into love when the rest of the relationship is all about lie's and how can it be so darn good when you are sharing yourself with someone whom you cannot trust? Where exactly is the LOVE in all of this?

Just some more food for thought. Would love to hear your thoughts and feelings on this subject.

God bless,
Goldie

Comments

Quixotic's picture

Ugh...not even good sex

The Ex-n had ED, small dick and was very disconnected. He rarely opened his eyes. Very sparse foreplay unless it was to his benefit. I wasn't allowed to do anything without his first initiating. It was all about him. I faked it. Tried to fake myself. He could only do it once in a 24hr period. No cuddling. If I acted like I wanted to try again, he was dismissive. He preferred sideways penetration. Maybe his size? He joked whenever he wanted a quickie (weren't they all) that it would be quick and painless. The thing is, I could've gotten over the size if he had just been attentive to me and my needs. But like everything else, I was to serve him. At least he was consistent.

adrienne1125's picture

amazing mind blowing

sex with my ex N was mind blowing. No it was not lovey dovey slow passion. it was just hard core. Now I realize he got off by what I would say or do in the bedroom. How I wanted him whenever and wherever i could have him. it filled his ego!!! honestly it filled mine too, because he would say how it was so incredible and that he could never have it better with anyone else. he would say we had the best sex life. I must say i will miss the sex if i am being honest. however i could never have sex with him again after now knowing he has been with OW and probably said the same crap to them. it is sad for me to realize that that was not special either and it was all lies even in the moment!

SECM1968's picture

I THOUGHT the sex was amazing....

Hello,

During the honeymoon phase, I remember thinking the sex was amazing. Yet...

He very rarely got an erection. (We never had penetrative sex.)
He has herpes, so there was a constant worry about catching it.
After he ejaculated, his demeanour changed from hot to cold.
He wanted me to dress like a hooker, and I let him.
He talked about his ex wife, often, using vile language.
He watched TV and fell asleep when I gave him oral sex.
I faked many orgasms to prevent him feeling inadequate.
His breath was bad.
He farted. Loudly. A lot.

Look, there was some nice stuff too. But the fact I chose to downplay the negative stuff just shows how gaga I was for him during the honeymoon phase.

Sad.

boubou29's picture

Too good to be true...

Yes, sex with my ex was amazing for both of us. He treated me great in the bedroom but awfully in all other areas. He used to say he worshipped my body, that he enjoyed having sex with such a beautiful woman. He was always careful, always asked what I wanted, never tried to get me to do anything I didn't want to do. BUT, I also remember times when I wasn't in the mood and he would sulk and the first thing he would do in the morning was jump on me and look at himself in the mirror while having sex with me, it totally looked like a power trip to me. He told me a few times that I had done a few things without dignity. Once, he was drunk and called me a slut then denied ever saying it. Name calling in bed is absolutely fine if and only if your partner completely respects you outside of that erotic game playing.
Once he also told me he loved how it felt to be close to me, that he loved holding me i his arms and said it made him want to protect me, then I would repeat his words later s and again he would deny ever saying it. We went on a holiday together while, at the time, he was trying to get back with his ex without me knowing. He "promised" to give me multiple orgams that weekend but was also very cold and unloving the rest of the time. After one of our countless breaks, he injured his back and called me one morning. I went over to help him and we had sex. Right after we were finished, he told me that it wasn't going to change the fact that we were over....I felt completely used. I loved the man, was worried sick for him and slept with him because I loved him and this is what I got. He used to tell me that I had a lot of "power" over men, that I was flirtatious and oozed sex...that never quite felt like a compliment to me and this was feedback I had NEVER received from anyone else before. I do get attention but I'm not a predator as he always seemed to imply. It's hard to feel used and abused, it's hard to accept that while you were making love with feelings, your partner was just playing with his favourite toy of the moment.

boubou29's picture

Too good to be true...

Yes, sex with my ex was amazing for both of us. He treated me great in the bedroom but awfully in all other areas. He used to say he worshipped my body, that he enjoyed having sex with such a beautiful woman. He was always careful, always asked what I wanted, never tried to get me to do anything I didn't want to do. BUT, I also remember times when I wasn't in the mood and he would sulk and the first thing he would do in the morning was jump on me and look at himself in the mirror while having sex with me, it totally looked like a power trip to me. He told me a few times that I had no dignity. Once, he was drunk and called me a slut then denied ever saying it. Name calling in bed is absolutely fine if and only if your partner completely respects you outside of that erotic game playing.
Once he also told me he loved how it felt to be close to me, that he loved holding me i his arms and said it made him want to protect me, then I would repeat his words later s and again he would deny ever saying it. We went on a holiday together while, at the time, he was trying to get back with his ex without me knowing. He "promised" to give me multiple orgams that weekend but was also very cold and unloving the rest of the time. After one of our countless breaks, he injured his back and called me one morning. I went over to help him and we had sex. Right after we were finished, he told me that it wasn't going to change the fact that we were over....I felt completely used. I loved the man, was worried sick for him and slept with him because I loved him and this is what I got. He used to tell me that I had a lot of "power" over men, that I was flirtatious and oozed sex...that never quite felt like a compliment to me and this was feedback I had NEVER received from anyone else before. I do get attention but I'm not a predator as he always seemed to imply. It's hard to feel used and abused, it's hard to accept that while you were making love with feelings, your partner was just playing with his favourite toy of the moment.

Portia's picture

The sex was a mirage, too

When I met my NP, I had just gotten out of a long, loveless marriage, and hadn't had sex in about 5 years. I could not stand the thought of my exNH touching me. It had never been great with him, but after his cheating and alcoholism took over his life, I just couldn't. So I was lonely, hurt, and wondered if I ever would meet a man I wanted to be with again when I met NP. Vulnerable doesn't even begin to describe it. The NP focused on my story and hurt and pain, and tried to address every issue, promising me he would never do those things to me. He had ED problems from the start, but he would make sure I was taken care of by being attentive in other ways. We married within 6 months. From that point forward, the sex went downhill, until we finally separated and divorced. I always kept seeing him, and when we got together it was like a reunion -- he had been out of town, came back and couldn't wait to see me. The excitement and buildup of seeing him made the sex exciting. But technically, no better.
When he started seeing the OW that I found out about, he and she both always claimed it was exciting and great, the best ever. They even made pictures and movies, which I found. I did not see any difference in technique, he still had ED. The difference was that she would let him do anything to her, some things which had to hurt, and take pictures/movies, and dress in extremely slutty outfits. For instance, not just garter belt and hose, but the hose had runs in them. She was overweight and you could see the cellulite and rolls of fat, especially in some of the positions he would pose her in. She always finished him off orally or with her hand. She seemed very proud of doing whatever he wanted her to do, no matter how degrading it was.
I did not understand how she could think this behavior was so great, but I think it was all a mind game. He always told her how much better she was than me, and how I wouldn't give him what he needed, or play the games with him or watch the porn with him. But he would always come back to me and tell me how I gave him everything else he needed and he tried to wear me down to give him this type of sex, but I just was not interested. I also found out about his porn use, and some of it was pretty vile. So I figured they were both addicted to sex, and it was a sickness that would burn itself out and maybe then, with treatment, he could get better. I think I was really a little crazy at this point, from the stress, and I think she was too. He was able to focus our attention on each other instead of on him, and he promoted every bad thing he could between us. I think it made him feel powerful to have two such different women "fighting" over him. It was probably the lowest point in my life, especially since he knew my exNH had cheated on me, and he had promised to NEVER do that to me. So I was patient, and I studied, and I went to some partners of sex addicts anonymous meetings, and I did everything my little codependent heart could think of to "fix" what was wrong. Finally she gave up and moved on, and I thought "Now, we can start to heal." Except he still tried to contact her and reel her back in, and he went on a dating site (or more?) and he became ever more disfunctional in the bedroom, and when we went to counseling he refused to participate whenever we got too close to the truth. So I came to understand it was something else, something even worse than sex or alcohol or drug addiction. Something that would never change, never get better. Then I started to change, to wake up I guess, to realize if I was ever going to be better I would have to be free of him, get away from his poison and twisted mind. I started seeing everything differently, and reviewing everything that happened, and I just couldn't believe my own behavior. It was like I had been drugged, had been sleepwalking through my own life. I was angry that I had allowed it. Then I had to learn to forgive myself for being human and having a heart, and being willing to believe in the possibility of redemption. Now I am moving forward with the healing, and it is hard. Soon I will be free of him, and the knowledge of that gives me the strength to go on. I will win this one, I will fix myself, and I will be happy. I promise.

Goldie's picture

Portia, "The Sex was a Mirage Too." Goldie's Blog

Your post clearly illustrate the cycle with them as well as with US and the role we play in keeping the buzz alive.

Once WE realize that this is what you get and there will be no change, then we are on our way to a full recovery. They do NOT change they simply become better with their lie's and manipulations with the next one as as their sickness into the narc seedy world of sex addiction progresses, they eventually begin to find it more difficult to find quality women to partake in the games.

He did you a big favor by showing you his true colors.

Thanks for sharing this, it is a perfect example of what they are and what we become as we so desparately search for meaning of what is happening and the BIG CURE.

As you learned, it only gets worse and getting OUT is the only solution.

God bless,
Goldie

MaryEm's picture

Thank God for this post and all comments...

Because I thought it was just me! I was lucky if my ex N was able to make it 10 seconds before ejaculating. Once he came in his pants when we were simply making out on my couch (that was in the beginning when he would actually kiss me). The further we got into the relationship, the less he wanted to kiss, touch or have sex. For awhile he said he wanted to stop having sex altogether because it felt too "animalistic" (??) As someone else commented about their ex, mine also hated to be naked. HATED IT. Once we finished, he would jump up, but on his clothes and say something negative or odd such as, "God, your room is a mess" or "I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack." I asked him once if he wanted to take a shower with me and he smugly replied, "Nah, I'm not a shower-with-a-girl kind of guy"... whatever that means. Another time when we were on vacation, I awoke one morning to a wet dream (maybe because I wasn't satisfied??) And I told him about it later that day. He looked at me like I was sick and said, "Are you serious? That hasn't happened to me since junior high." A week later back home I walked into the bathroom upon waking up and his underwear was in the middle of the floor. I walked back to bed and he announced HE had a wet dream in the middle of the night and had to get up and change. Realllly? Strange. I think these guys are highly threatened by healthy sexuality in a woman.

birdgirl's picture

My covert narcissist husband.

The sex with my N husband has always been mediocre to terrible. He seems to have an infantile sexuality. (Not sure what that is, but that's the phrase that comes to mind.) Like other women have mentioned, he seems to be terrified of any real passion or desire on my part. Actual penetration has lasted a maximum of ten to fifteen seconds every time. He accuses me of "getting him too turned on" even when it's come to the point of me resorting to not moving or even making eye contact during sex. I think he'd be happier with a blow up doll. He has on occasion, ejaculated in his pants when I've come up to him, looked him in the eyes in a horny way, and put my hand on his stomach. I no longer feel any desire for him, so this hasn't happened in a long time. I'm assuming he's having sex with other women now. I don't really care. No sex at all is better than sex with him.

Goldie's picture

Birdgirl are you sure you are not talking about my X?

Infantile is the word I would also use. He seemed like it was all foreign to him and he even used childish terms to describe our body parts, it was creepy. It was devoid of passion, excitement, and he took was quick on the draw. He pretended to be passionate in the honeymoon/lure stage and then shortly thereafter it was dullsville.

Initially I thought it must be me, and then I said to myself, this is NOT ME. I have never encountered this before. This is HIM, he has sexual arrested develpment.

My guess is that he was most likely sexually abused as a child and was stuck in that time period.

They have massive damage inside of them and this is just another area where they are extreme. Either infantile or like a raging crazed sex addict. They don't seem to know moderation.

God bless,
Goldie

missym's picture

Never great

Was married for 16 years and before married, he played the same deal....almost ridiculously shy about initiating...but with a twist - If I initiated, he would get mad and reject it. He HAD to be the one...and it was not that often - even in the early days. And....whats more....started this habit that stuck for years...he would masturbate (or better yet) I'd do it for him. This was our pattern for years until I said NO MORE. That is when our sex dwindled off seriously. If he ever was inside me, he could not CUM - can count on my hands how many times in 18 years he came inside me....always he or me had to finish him off. Thank god he did once, resulting in my daughter.

When we did have sex, it was not "bad"...but it was ALWAYS the same, NEVER told me he loved me or that I was beautiful, we NEVER had make up sex, if I EVER suggested or made moves to do something different, he would literally push me down and get visibly and physically "annoyed"....If I god forbid tried to be sexy in a way "outside" his comfort zone, he got mad. I was not able to express myself sexually.

Am sure he beat off all the time, caught him many times with porn, but eventually, I fucking gave up and knew he had this ongoing man-child sexuality that I outgrew within months of being with him.

Sick fucks.

scarlson1063's picture

Wow

My exN couldn't get off when he was inside me either. Only happened once when he wasn't drunk. Otherwise he wanted to go for hours. I would fake it over and over hoping he would let me off the hook but no he would always say just one more orgasm baby I know you got it in you. I would fake another and on and on it would go FOREVER! The only way he could get off was a blowjob. Towards the end I didn't even care enough and would just roll over and tell him to go to sleep. He would pout and I didn't care. But the scariest of all was the last time. It was one of few times in the day and he wasn't drunk. When I looked up at his face as he was inside me. I don't even know how to describe it - it was as if his face was blank and his eyes were so empty. It still gives me the creeps.

Im_always_fine's picture

I had such an epiphany the

I had such an epiphany the other day. I had read a comment,"We had sex but we didn't make love"

Something about sex with the NARC was "off". It was as if he was uncomfortable and acting. I even complained to a friend that it was like he faked orgasm...always OVERACTING. My concern was that "he cums like a girl" He shivers..he wimpers...he shudders...he wilts in your arms. He just didn't climax like any man I've ever been with. I came to DREAD the big finally...always sooooo COLD and hollow despite his over the top oh-ing and ah-ing. Such a cold creepy shower.

The epiphany was that he has been MIRRORING! He doesn't KNOW how to let go like a man so he HAS been faking it. Not the ejaculation part but REST OF IT! He has been imitating the women he slept with because he doesn't have an emotional point of reference of his own!

Mechanical, repetitive, empty, boring, hollow, and ridiculous fake orgasms. Yeh...I could complain too buddy....

Sharon Stone said," Women may fake orgasms but men fake entire relationships."
Some men fake orgasms too.

Jannie In the Sun's picture

Sex and violent affection from a Narcissistic Caveman

Good sex in the beginning is the Modus Operandi, 'how to', of my ex Narc. I loved him and I know that sex is sex and love is love but when the two seem so real and they are part of a merger fantasy that he created and I believed, it seemed to be so special. After getting honest and discovering many truths about his narc behavior, his slut behavior, his d & d to many women, it felt like soul rape for a long time, a violent affection, a violation of my ideas of intimacy, love and trust.

Idealization phase - sex was magic, he was attentive, he was seemingly present and it felt like making love. 20 minute kisses, foreplay, hot tubs, massage. He said he loved me, he was gentle and there seemed to be a bond.

Devaluation phase - I was making love while he was seemingly performing a bodily function. Only able to 'get off' from behind. Sex only at bed time when I was sooo tired. Sex became secondary to his megalomaniac needs. Once I was reeled in it became more ritualized. I think it was his power trip - grandiosity.

Discarded - not until I found out that there were many many women who he 'fell in love with' seduced, invented a merger fantasy relationship and used until he needed a new 'fix'.

My values have changed since this relationship. I am pretty sure the only time he 'makes love' to anyone is when he masturbates in front of the mirror over how great he thinks he is. Sad and sick what he does to women.

I have worked hard to get real about real love - an action - and my personal values regarding sex and intimacy. Sex was part of his hoover and I wanted it - just not from a Narc. Won't happen again.

Hermes's picture

Yes, Goldie. Great post!

You say:
"How is it that one man can be gentle, loving, caring, and yes perhaps boring and he is the shitty lover and another can be forceful, crude, even hurtful and because it feels more powerful, this is LOVE? How and when did everything get turned backwards? Is it our society? The media? Is it our sense of self where we need continuous highs and drama in order to feel the LOVE?"

Perhaps ole Freud had a point when he asked: "What do women want"?
Women are often their own worst enemies, that's what. Many, not all, are drawn to the "bad boy". They think a "bit of rough" is where it's at.
Some are hooked on the drama-rama, can't live without it, are unable to live a contented normal life. . Brawling, followed by rough "make it up" sex afterwards, that's their idea of a good life..

You say:

" So what is so great about being in bed with someone who treats you like garbage?"

Absolutely!

I note what you say re the media etc. Yes, there are some, many, unfortunately, who think what is on screen, (soaps, silly movies, pulp magazines) is the real deal.

I have read where NPD-abused women lamented that "they'd never find anyone like the N, who made them feel like the N did". Other (good) men were "boring".

I wish you would put that post up on the forum Goldie.

Best wishes
Hermes

Gravity's picture

Sex with the PD

I originally thought sex with the ex-psycho was so good because it was "passionate." Now I understand that the passion and intensity stemmed from the fact that he got off knowing he was playing me and various other women. The sex also got progressively more degrading and deviated. It got to the point that he was treating me SO badly, that I almost had to convince myself that I enjoyed it and that it was "the best sex ever" so that I wouldn't experience my true feelings which were too difficult to come to terms with. In reality he made me feel HORRIBLE, used, and shameful.

Sex is supposed to be an expression of love, not hate or power.

Crazy Train's picture

OMGosh, Goldie, I think you

OMGosh, Goldie, I think you wrote this for ME! Everything you have said are things that I have said myself. Sex with the husband was boring. Narc sex was unpredictable & exciting. Exactly how, I can't really figure out. Maybe because he was so random and non-predictable. But love, doubtful. Lies, yes. Trust, no. So, I guess you are right in that it makes no sense whatsoever.

Im_always_fine's picture

The sex started out pretty

The sex started out pretty good but I discovered that I always had to initiate. He seemed to have a pubescent type of terror...like a boy afraid to touch a girl for the first time. Which is CREEPY at his age.

I'm pretty sexual and open within the context of relationship.I think that anything goes between 2 consenting adults. So I was confused when he started accusing me of being frigid and of "just laying there" ....??????....I KNEW it wasn't true. I couldn't figure what he was talking about. I became a little self conscious wondering what it could possibly be that I WASN'T doing.

I remember one night I'd laid out some lingerie and heels. I had some plans that didn't include watching TV. Inexplicably he erupted into a tirade about how women always LIE...they are liars...they all SAY they wear lingerie and then they DON'T. He complained bitterly about how ALL the women he's ever known have done this to him. I was completely taken a back. Now what? If I wear the lingerie..he'll say I just did it because of what he said. And if I don't wear it...I'll be a liar like all the rest. I didn't like him very much at that point. And opted for watching TV.

He doesn't go near me. He doesn't approach me because he CLAIMS I reject him. Then complains to other women that I deny him (I've read the e mails and messages)Yet he starts up with them (usually married and sorry to say...horribly unkempt)I asked him once,"WHY oh WHY do you go with women like that?" (beer swilling, trailer dwelling, Dorito gobbing, toothless with 4 kids by 4 dads types) He said,"To be honest...because they aren't work...they're easy...they want it"

I think that it's because he's dead ringer for Alan Jackson but with a full head of blonde hair and 6'2". These women IDOLIZE him. WORSHIP him. Cry for him. Beg for him. He has referred to himself as a "blonde Adonis." Their pining for him confirms it.

Honestly..the sex went down hill...got boring...because he got boring. Besides he's been getting enough for the 2 of us. The kind that he doesn't have to try at.

Hmmmm...in fact I just had an epiphany. He has related many stories to me about being roofied. Taken advantage of...or tricked and even forced into sex...maybe that's his trip...he wants to be violated by some ravenous woman so he is therefore innocent...and what? A victim!

Joyless's picture

I have found I also had to

I have found I also had to initiate sex, or any kind of intimacy actually. He acts like you said, a little boy that thinks maybe he shouldn't touch a girl. He hasn't touched me in 4 years. Other than a kiss in the morning. I can't seem to initiate anything with this man, when he D&D's me, or gives me the old silent treatment.....just don't think he values me enough to be intimate. Don't think he is having an affair....however, I think he fantisizes about it.

bumblebee's picture

Hmmm

Sex with my exN was great for me. And there are two reasons I think this was true.

1) He focused on ensuring I was satisfied.
2) He was very respectful in bed, but because he was so disrespectful towards me everywhere BUT the bedroom, there was a dynamic around power and control that was underlying everything. Like, he could have had me at any time (and probably almost anywhere) - he knew it, I knew it, but he was always responsible and tasteful in that area so I knew and trusted he would never test that line inappropriately.

I think that's the best way I can describe it.

Hunter's picture

I'll second that!! Hunter

I'll second that!!

Hunter

freaked's picture

Love is consensus ad idem..unlike sex with a narc

Truth being I did not have a comparative study...so thought that maybe this was how it was perhaps meant to be.. colourless. NO rainbow, no stars..no nothing. He could have may as well married a cow.

..yes I felt used, degraded...and every negative you can think of... yet..i was available for Hyde. Because, after a certain point there was a subliminal message flung on me like if you want this food and shelter, your body better be available for me.

this went on for over a decade.

and finally, my Soul revolted..and bade me Enough is Enough..and here I am..drifting alone in the Universe without a man of my own... certainly the xxx had zero nuance of Love. Love being something so different...Love is a meeting of the Minds.. a consensus ad idem.

Susan32's picture

Not worth a one night stand

In my junior year, I once told some friends that I was neither drunk nor desperate enough to have sex with the ex-Psych prof. By then, he had packed on the pounds, he had crows' feet, and he never did get his teeth cleaned... they were in such a state of decay they were horrifying. I'd also joke that the ex-P was UNWORTHY of a one night stand, yes, even one that was no-strings-attached without emotional investment. It wouldn't have even been fun. The ex-P expected me to lower myself to have sex with his fat, drunk, decaying-toothed self.

I consider sex sacred&precious, not something to be wasted on someone.

I told the ex-P I loved him, and really meant it. I treated him with love&respect. I was still D&D'd cruelly. However, I'm glad I had the strength to NOT have sex with him.... but he kinda made it easy by making himself physically repulsive. He was cheating on me with Little Debbie and the Hostess.

My friends would joke that the ex-P was fattening himself due to "too many Fluffer Nutters and Dunkin' Donuts" (he was from Massachusetts) And, having been to Boston to visit family... yes, those are indeed fatal to the waistline if there are too many. A diet of Fluffer Nutters and Dunkin' Donuts is a total turn-off.

ruby01's picture

Actually,

Sex with him was the worst.
I felt sorry for him. The thing is I'm not sure he realized how bad he was.

ReclaimingPower's picture

Ditto

The sex was so bad it was like a train wreck. I thought it had just been too long for him and he was working through a lot of negative emotions. Rushed, painful and quick - no foreplay, tenderness or emotion and afterwards he would jump up like the place was on fire and get dressed quickly. We didn't go anywhere but he had to be dressed. He didn't like to be naked. It was the most bizarre thing but if you don't love yourself, I suppose that is probably the most vulnerable state to be in. Don't miss sex with him at all; as a matter of fact, I'm not quite sure what exactly I do miss about him or why (hence the mystery)...and I have a feeling the more I learn, it really has nothing to do with him.

Redhead's picture

sex

Yeah - mine was bad too. I faked every orgasm to spare his feelings.

freaked's picture

me too

every single one after the first deflowerment of me on day1 of the marriage.. had to be faked...i really could sense that I was an Object...even though i had nil experience ..and there was nobody to benchmark the act with

nomoredenial's picture

I got ripped off

It wasnt anything special....lol

13Moons13's picture

The EXN and I had great sex

The EXN and I had great sex and often. That's one of the things I miss the most. But I did see that he began to try to devalue me sometimes, but I wouldn't let him.

I actually said to him, "too bad it won't stay hard." (even though it did..lol..scared the crap out of him) And said I faked every orgasm cuz he was terrible in bed (even though I didn't and he wasn't).

I played his game for a long time. I saw what was happening..fought back too...in fact I think I did exactly to him what he did to me..but, in the end it didn't really matter.

Kinda makes me laugh a little though...remembering that. :-)

Narcbuster's picture

sex

Well the saying "once you go black"......hmmm not quite what I thought. It started out good, especially in a long distance relationship but the more we saw each other it would only be at a certain time, same position, he never, ever looked at me, seemed to be afraid to touch my breasts, hardly any foreplay, was intimidated by vibrators????.....the strange thing about it was when we first met I found all sorts of paddles, sex swings, dirty pictures, videos he had taken of women, by the time we married were having sex less and less and he was watching porn all the time. He told me because I had money (which I gave him alot of) it was a big turn off and he didn't find me sexually attractive and it made him feel like less of a man!
what a pig....I guess I was now the Madonna and he was ready to go back to his whores so I threw him out! Funny how all the pain in my neck (literally) is gone!

fefe65's picture

from the start sex was

from the start sex was different with him; he would talk about his ex girlfriends and what they did; he like to try and get me to do things I felt ashamed of he use my body like I was one of those women on a porn movie' I never felt connected to him; it was like I was learning a new job' Do this do that down here hold your head this way that way;; it was a nightmare; and all the talk of the other women was a turn off; he loved blow jobs always blow jobs; and thats what he always wanted; oral sex; and if we did have sex it doggie style; he liked to have his penis slapped on the head and he would cum that way and he like his nipples pulled and he would cum; he got off on the pain; He changed me as a woman' ; I felt degraded ; But I had noone to blame but myself because I allowed this'' He would also scream like a woman after an orgasem; I never seen such a freak in bed' I do mean freak;; But after two year of this he seem to stop this crazy acting' change over night ' I will never understand his crazyness''