Lisa E. Scott

Enforcing Consequences is Not Revenge!

Sun, 02/28/2010 - 22:55 — Barbara
Silence_by_natXP.jpg

http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=39548&PID=466796

This piece if very

Wed, 03/10/2010 - 10:18 — peacewarrior

This piece if very good.
Alas the toxics, pathalgoicals take informed choice, stated consequences reacting "don't YOU threaten me!" It's their double standards..they can do what they want to anyone but by God..no one can do it to them.

This resonated with me about giving CHOICE and a trial to build trust. Toxic to pathalgical people get vengeful/punitive if someone does not allow them to stomp on their boundsries and limits. They lie by ommision, do not inform peopel of their rules/limits and thier boundaries and limits change to play games, to "win" by making losers of others.

My daughter clearly told me "you are a difficult person, YOU are difficult because you have limits and boundaries!" That meant she made a decision to assignate me "difficult" a "bad person" and informed me she will continue to diminis me, dissrespect, disregard me as an individual, passive aggressive revenge if I don't just "take it" i.e. running over limits and ripping down my boundaries to make her self all good, or using me as a scapegoat etc. It breaks my heart, I am in mourning..she made her choice. I gave her a wide birth of trial.

Very true

Wed, 03/10/2010 - 10:57 — dysenchanted

peacewarrior wrote: " They lie by ommision, do not inform peopel of their rules/limits and thier boundaries and limits change to play games, to "win" by making losers of others."

Yes!!!! My N was always hinting that he might be unhappy about something, but refusing to disclose what. I would ask what he wanted and he would say something like " i'm not going to set conditions." Well, of course not, then his conditions might be met and he would need to come up with some other excuse to behave like a bass-turd.

Liars with secret agendas

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 08:31 — peacewarrior

Dysenchanted wrote:
Well, of course not, then his conditions might be met and he would need to come up with some other excuse to behave like a bass-turd.

I agree they could not continue blaming, projecting and brainwashing their mate formost and others they "deserve" the cruel treatment. They won't come right out and ask for anything for that would offer control to another person to know and to make a choice. My exP sought totalarian control over others and he escalated projecting I sought to "control all the choices". Pathalogicals need to also control conning people they "want nothing" are altruistic and "do all for others" for they scapegoat people with their needs, wants and insatiable demands.

One clear example was the ex waging pyscholgical warfare "you,you you..you would not cook anything I liked!" I was worn to a pulp and did not see the projection. I knew he was nuts, not plugged into reality shared by others and I. I made it a priority and prepared a meal of his favorites. He licked his lips and afterwards he switched tactics..you,you, YOU waste money on food...good meal..YOU YOU WASTE MONEY! Then he acted out his next sadistic pyschological mental torture..it was never ending. (BTW he made a ton of oney and I spent $11.00 including $4.00 for a German wheat beer he liked.) He could play his "who, me? why I a happy with only a hotdog BS routine post manipulating people to go to a five star restaurant then lie "it's all for others" and he is "happy with nothing". Then he could maintain he m and the abuse spun it's all because of me. Jesus, I was a very good attentive wife and mom..a treasure not Mr. Hyde. I am thoughtful and considerate of others.
Pathalogicals refuse to answer the question and get sick kicks from misleading, deceiving then mind screwing it never happened. No accountability for anything is their rule. their conditions/terms are blame shifted to other people in "YOU you you" statements.

The comment is insightful. I can add from my experience that if they told their truth it would be evident to people they are excessively demanding and it would reveal their mates indeed do give, are considerate, thoughtful and generous.

They're insatiable

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 09:14 — dysenchanted

Mine would eat like a water buffalo, then blame me for his morbid obesity, because I didn't serve "healthy" food. Never mind the fact that he consumes enough for 3 people at every meal,and NEVER moved out of his computer chair except to go to the bathroom. His weight was my fault. If I tried to tactfully point any of this out to him I was being "mean" or trying to sabotage his " effort to lose weight". Shee-it. I DID, after trying to help him for years, refuse to comply with his dietary orders because no one else would eat the stuff that he wanted and I got tired of running a freaking buffet out of my kitchen, and he would just sneak around and eat fast food in secret anyway. I expected him to take control of his eating and excercise habits. He didn't WANT to be responsible-for anything. So he stayed 150 overweight, AND used his weight as a reason for having no sexual interest in me. There is no winning with these guys.

no winning

Mon, 03/15/2010 - 12:49 — Barbara

they are delusional! remember that!!

exNH blames me for the dang WEATHER... he's big on the words: YOU ALWAYS and YOU NEVER. We haven't lived together since 2003... how the heck would he know?

I have actually started busting out laughing in his face - he's soooo inane with his blaming.

When he comes by to get the girls? I have caught him taking food from my kitchen! He's a part time personal trainer & a health nut but he sneaks food... I have to lock stuff AWAY FROM HIM like he's 4 years old!

~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

Food Obsession

Mon, 03/15/2010 - 13:11 — dysenchanted

When mine lived with me, there certain food items that I would have to hide from him, or he would gorge the whole thing in one sitting, and no else would get any. It didn't matter how many times I asked politely, or explained that the rest of the family would like a cookie too. I guess he just didn't care.