by Sandra Brown, MA

Suffering without insight is just pain. That's all it is. And no one (in their right mind) WANTS to be in pain. The worst aspect of the pathological relationship is that you feel ridiculous for not have seeing it earlier, OR for having seen it but not reacting to it. Either way, the result of his pathology is pain to you.

The pain of being burned, the pain of the lie, the pain of the financial con, the pain of the sexual memory, the pain of guilt, the pain of embarassment, the pain of pubic exposure... pain-pain-pain. The more you keep allowing yourself to slip back into denial about who and what he REALLY is... the more you perpetuate the pain.

The only way to transform pain so that it WASN'T useless is to learn from it. The Institute tries to take your experiences and relationships and shed light and insight into what you lived through. Mining all your relationships for clues, hints, missed red flags, early contributing childhood or family influences, your personality traits of empathy and tolerance all help transform your pain into insight.

Insight then is empowerment. It helps you feel less prone to future victimization because you see NOW what you didn't see then. And see it clearly and consistently.

Insight leads to your own self understanding which protects your soft side and abundant traits of compassion. You realize how you are likely to react in the future and you learn to 'guard your heart' until you are more sure.

Insight identifies the red flags and reconnects the bodily and spiritual reactions to red flags so you are more likely to feel them and respond to them.

Insight is education -- for you and for the other women in your life. Once you have learned what you lived thru, the widespread issue of pathology in our society --- you have much to teach others. Your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors... and even women you don't know are all benefactors of your profound insight.

All of victims rights and the women's movement are about someone having been hurt, gaining insight, and then passing it forward. That's the best way to safeguard against the bitterness and stagnation of victimization. That which we grow from then comes merely a stepping stone not a noose.

If pain is not transformed, it becomes an emotional and spiritual (and even often physical) cancer. It eats your joy, your optimism, your hope, your relationships, and your future. Therefore, transformation really is NOT an option unless you want to live in perpetual victimization and allow him even MORE power over your emotions and ultimately your future.

Growing from our own suffering is the way we move past and through the pain. There are no short cuts through pain --- no magical pill or bullet. There is only the journey through the middle of it. But on the other side, we are rewarded with the gift of insight.

Much of the field of psychology and now coaching is done by people who have been through the journey of transforming pain into insight and they reach out to others and teach them how to do it.

This is everyone's CALLING in life.

God is a God of economy --- He recycles everything. Even our pain. Like Jesus turned water into wine, God can turn pain into insight when we're ready.

http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com